February 12, 2015
Quick update because people have been asking how I’m doing and I thought it would be easier to do it this way. I have been really tired and given that my TSH levels were 39 on Monday, it’s no wonder.
I have read all of your thoughtful messages, often mentally respond and then forget to do so in reality. But, I have read them all and am so grateful. The *virtual hugs* strategy has actually worked because I think even people who didn’t know how to show their support (yet wanted to) had a specific way to do so. Social experiments can be fun, and I think in this case it helped as a coping strategy for myself. I am reassured that I wasn’t locked away and forgotten about. The nurses check in through the intercom and every time I hear their crackly voices asking “You okay in there, sweetheart?” or “Is everything okay Nadha?” I’m so relieved they still know I’m here.
I’ve been dozing off as usual all day, my dreams have been an odd mix of thinking I’m in jail or in a detox spa. Speaking of detox, my life now revolves around drinking as much water as I can with the personal challenge of seeing how many times I can pee. The quicker the radioactive stuff leaves my body, the sooner I can go home.
The radioactive pill was taken straight from a container inside a heavy lead container inside another container and put straight under my tongue.
The wifi password in this hospital is super super secret, not even the nurses have it. So we set up a wifi hotspot through my cell phone and thank goodness because otherwise, it would’ve been a completely different experience in here.
Although I have nausea, my stomach is still ravenous. The hospital food hasn’t helped with this because I have become really really picky with what I can tolerate. They also provide three meals a day which isn’t enough for me. This morning, my partner, brought some home-made food over and he and the nurse stuck their heads in to leave the package just inside the door (while stayed at the opposite end of the room). So exciting.
In the middle of the night, my mouth got really dry and no amount of water would make the feeling go away. This is not a pleasant feeling. I had some soft tangy candies with me (for this exact situation) and they helped substantially. I had 2 during the night and drifted off to sleep hoping I wouldn’t choke on them. My mouth is still dry as the radioactive iodine affects the saliva glands, this is a normal side-effect.
The room is a really big one because it used to be the VIP room. The walls have 1/4 inch lead sheets in them, which I found impressive. All the staff keep saying that I have the best view in the whole hospital and I reckon they are right. Big windows with lots of light and I can see all the way to the CN tower.
In an odd way, it has been sort of nice to be with just myself again. I’ve always thought it is important to enjoy your own company, but I haven’t wanted to for a long time. The best way I know to explain it is that I’ve been afraid of my own thoughts. So I keep myself busy with other things and people so I don’t have to think about what’s coming or my own fears. Yesterday, I meditated for a while and just let myself be with those thoughts and it felt like a relief to acknowledge my mind.
Three people in Chapel Hill, North Carolina were killed yesterday and it reminded me how the world keeps going despite what happens to individuals. It reminded me how the media has so much control over how an incident is framed. If it were the other way around, those students would be labelled terrorists and the incident a hate crime. As it stands, the “alleged” murderer has mental health issues. Yes, mental health is very important, but it is not a cop-out to be used to justify crimes by only certain privileged people. Anyway, it remains to be seen how that unfolds. Sigh.
In other news, I am debating whether or not to attempt a shower on my own this morning.
*Breaking News* Nuclear medicine person just came in with the $6000 Geiger Counter to measure the amount of gamma radiation I’m emitting. With my levels, I’m definitely going to be in isolation for at least another 24 hours… Time to get even comfier…