Confessions of a Recovering Cancer Patient

 August 10, 2015

Day 1: Suddenly, out of the blue, you have a good day. You’re pleased because you get some errands done, you walk around, maybe you even catch up with some friends or read a book. You’re feeling good and you might as well make the most of it. Days like these don’t come often. Somewhere in the back of your mind is the nagging feeling that tomorrow you’re going to pay for pushing your body today. Ah well.You smile nonetheless because, this can’t be said enough, it’s been a good day.

Day 2: You wake up and move your tired bones. You go about your morning routine and then stop in your tracks. Hold everything. The pain… it isn’t too bad. You rub your knees gingerly and rotate your ankles. First clockwise and then anticlockwise. Not bad at all. A big grin spreads across your face.

Day 3: You resolve to walk to your meeting today, because well, you might as well save on public transportation fare and the sun is out but it’s still cool. Perfect walking weather. As you near your destination, with zero stumbles and in record time, you give yourself a mental high five.

Day 4: You’re just the teensiest bit paranoid. You haven’t had three consecutive good days in maybe 10 months. Is all the pain going to come rushing back all at once? You gently push the thought out of your head. No point worrying about it. Might as well enjoy the present.

Day 5: You went for a yoga class yesterday and are now enjoying the slightly sore feeling of having worked your muscles. That’s good pain. Your body is happy and the endorphins sure helped. You decide to clean the entire house, do the dishes and have a warm shower. You fall asleep with a sense of accomplishment.

Day 6: You’re productive at work and you realize that your body feels good. Not bloated. Not useless. Your body feels almost … great? Could it be that changing your synthroid dose was all it took? Sure, if you stop to think about it, you still feel the bad pain nagging at your joints but it’s bearable. You will deal with whatever happens and take each day at a time. You remind yourself (again) to just enjoy this.

Day 7: As you walk back from work for the third time that week, you realize that you haven’t been in nearly half as much pain over the last week. You’re able to be more active, you’re still tired and have naps but that’s okay. It slowly dawns on you… perhaps, just maybe, you’re recovering from being a cancer patient. Sometimes the treatment is worse than the cancer itself. Maybe, you’re recovering from all the chemicals and your body is adjusting to all the new medicines. Maybe something has clicked and you just need to keep going.

5 Responses

  1. Wei says:

    Hi Nadha, love this entry :) The weather is pretty nice (for the most part) these days and I’m glad you’re able to enjoy it!

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